STABLE WARS 2006: Diggzy Brown v Dr. Abortion

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STABLE WARS 2006: Diggzy Brown v Dr. Abortion

Post  Stan Daniels on Fri Jan 21, 2011 9:47 am

REPOST: FOR LARS

So Right out of the gate, The Blood Brothers pull in round one Dr. Abortion,,, GREAT!

But Diggzy did us proud and put out a steller effort even though he lost... This one opened my eyes for sure. Diggzy had some great stuff in this one for sure.

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SUPERSTAR BLOG ENTRY

How Diggzy Brown ended up going to the Zoo
The Blood Brothers received their personal invitation from Davros today to send a representative for one of the early events for Stable Wars. In typical Davros fashion, the event was to take place at the San Diego Zoo, as competitors from the Mental Military, the AoD, and the Blood Brothers would spend a weekend trying to capture the various deadly animals that the zoo had to offer. This, of course, was Davros' infamous style of paying tribute to the man formerly known as The Crocodile Hunter, who not too long ago died during an encounter with a poisonous Manta Ray.

Lars had called together the Blood Brothers for a meeting, in which they would decide whom was to be "the lucky one" that would head for California to take part in this ridiculous event. Alisterfiend, Vigilante and Omega were gathered immediately, and along with Lars, they waited for Ed and I to show up.

And since Ed apparently walked through the door first, I was the lucky recipient of a plane ticket to San Diego...




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"Nice of you two JACKWIPES to show up!" barked Alisterfiend, as Acid Ed and Diggzy Brown finally arrived at Rita's Rainy Day Bingo Hall. The bingo hall, of course, is the current home of the CWA, where all but Omega are currently employed. "When we call a damn meeting, we expect you two idiots to show up, and show up on time!"

Ed looks over at Diggzy and reaches into his pocket for his brass knuckles, but the SUPERSTAR narrows his eyes and waves his left hand across his chest, as if to say "not now." For the uninitiated, the back-story behind this clear unpleasantness among stable mates is simple. Following a brutal match between Acid Ed and Lars Magnusun at the most recent CWA FPV, it turned out that Ed and Diggzy Brown had been duped by Lars and former Federation X co-Commissioner Richard Grayson. Due to some fancy paperwork with a lot of fifty cent words in it, Ed and Diggzy basically found themselves contracted to the Blood Brothers for the month of September, as Lars attempted to stack the deck for his team during Stable Wars. To say that Ed and Diggzy were displeased would be an exercise in understatement of the highest order.

"Look...fellas...just tell us what the hell you need us to do so we can get the hell out of here," remarked Diggzy Brown, clearly annoyed at having to take any time from his busy schedule to deal with this group of fat, aging, living-in-the-past drunks. "You [BLEEP]ers better be organized. I want to know exactly what we are scheduled to do for this pathetic stable through September. Every second of every day we are required to perform had better be accounted for, because you are not getting a millisecond more than we are required to give you!"

"Funny you should mention a schedule Diggz," responded Lars, a smile slowly creeping across his face. "Turns out that you get to go work first..."

Lars motions to Omega, who hands a manila envelope to the SUPERSTAR. Diggzy opens it to find a plane ticket marked "San Diego" sitting inside.


"San Diego? I ain't goin to no San Diego!"

"Actually Diggz, you really ARE going to San Diego," countered Vigilante, almost laughing as he knows how annoyed Diggzy is. "And it gets better...it's a Davros Special..."

Diggzy groans as he recalls when Davros was first put in charge of running the special events for the wrassling industry. Nothing was ever normal. However, it is with some confusion that he looks up at Lars with as Alister hands Diggzy a brochure for the San Diego Zoo.

"What the [BLEEP] is this?" he asked.

"Something for you to read on the plane," answered Lars. "Might want to make yourself familiar with this...

BLOG ENTRY #2

SUPERSTAR BLOG ENTRY

Diggzy, Dr. A. and Sam Elliott find out how much "zoo" this will be
How bad could it be, right? The San Diego Zoo...what sort of crap could even Davros possibly pull at the damn zoo? Following the Blood Brothers meeting, Ed and I talked about it and decided that I should be fine on my own. Word through the grapevine had it that there would only be three of us anyway. Dr. Abortion, who I remember from the old days, myself, and some foolian named Sam Elliott. Ed knew a little about Elliott, and it turns out that Elliott is part of the Mental Military, which is run by General Putz of the CWA. Not that it meant anything to Diggzy, but it did alleviate any possible concerns of trouble.

And so, I boarded a plane from Calgary and took off for San Diego. Davros was planning a welcome get together of some sort that was to include a meet & greet with fans, autograph signings with the three wrasslers, and then a welcome/informational speech about what was to take place. It was the speech where I learned exactly what it was I had to do over the next 3 days. I was not happy...



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When Diggzy Brown arrived at the San Diego airport on Thursday, the SUPERSTAR was pleased to find that Davros had arranged for his transportation. Business must be booming these days, as Diggzy was met on the tarmac itself by a limousine, which took him across the city to the famed zoo. There was already a crowd gathered, and it appeared as though Sam Elliott had already arrived and was sitting at a table signing copies of his picture, t-shirts, and whatever else the fans brought to him.

As the limo with the SUPERSTAR inside pulled up outside the zoo, the fans rushed over, some calling for the SUPERSTAR, others calling for Doc A. As Diggzy stepped out, the Blood Brothers fans immediately surged to the front and angled for his attention. They waved Blood Brothers shorts, pictures of Vig and Alister, copies of the CWA magazine from August with Omega on the cover...you name it. If it had a Blood Brothers logo on it, they expected Diggzy to sign it.

Diggzy stood tall amidst the throng, not even so much as acknowledging a single fan holding Blood Brothers merchandise. The SUPERSTAR waited patiently for security to arrive, whispered his wish for a path to be cleared, and then walked to the table set up for him. It was there where he made the following announcement.

"Alright people, listen up, because the SUPERSTAR is only gonna say this once! All you people with Blood Brothers gear and pictures that you want signed...lets do a brotha a favor and shove that {BLEEP] up your asses right now! I wouldn't even use that garbage for toilet paper!"

Diggzy knew how to piss off a crowd to say the least, and the disappointed Blood Brothers fans trudged back over to wait in line for Sam Elliott, who was suddenly looking like quite the hero this afternoon. Diggzy sat back in his chair and smiled as he kicked his feet up. Not a soul was left in his line, and this was exactly how he wanted it. Until some weird looking guy with a mask walks up.

"Excuse me...can you tell me where I can find a rhinoceros?"

"Do I look like I know where you can find a rhino in this place?" asked Diggzy in response. "You got something you want me to sign punk? Let's get it over with..."

Just like that, the man reaches over and grabs Diggzy, abortocuttering him through his table.

"Next time SUPERSTAR, you'll pay attention," says none other than Dr. Abortion himself, standing over Diggzy Brown and laughing. "The day I ask for your autograph is the day that I start using armbars and chinlocks and hip tosses in my wrestling matches. Now, I have a rhinoceros to locate..."

Before Dr. Abortion can leave, and also before Diggzy can attempt to retaliate, Davros finally emerges from...wherever it is that Davros hides in plain sight...and strides across the makeshift stage. Or rides across it in his motorized wheelchair. Or however the [BLEEP] Davros gets around these days.

"Ladies and gentlemen...and you too Dr. Abortion," Davros announces. "Welcome to Stable Wars, live at the San Diego Zoo! Starting tomorrow morning, you will all have the great pleasure of watching Sam Elliott, Dr. Abortion, and Diggzy Brown scouring the zoo in search of the deadliest animals this place has to offer. We're calling it the Steve Irwin Memorial Deadly Animal Hunt in honor of...well...Steve Irwin."

"The stipulations of this event are quite simple. Each man is required to locate the following animals: A leopard, a crocodile, a taipan, a rhino, and, of course, a sting ray. The first man to bring all of these animals back to me will be declared the winner!"

As Davros continues with his grandiose announcement, Diggzy mutters to himself under his breath. He should have known this would involve something stupid. He also should have known it would involve something life threatening. And what the hell is a taipan anyway? These are the thoughts that ran through the mind of the SUPERSTAR as Davros brought his speech to a close.

"The contest begins tomorrow morning at 9 AM sharp when the zoo opens. Don't miss your chance to see possibly the second crazy animal related killing of a famous person this month!"


...Awesome...
BLOG ENTRY #3


SUPERSTAR BLOG ENTRY

The Steve Irwin Memorial Deadly Animal Hunt Begins
What a day today was. I was an inner city kid, grew up on the streets, typical famous black man's clich. Except, it isn't a clich when it's usually true. ANYWAY, I had never been to a freaking zoo before. I never had so much a cat or a dog before. And so, I had top spend the day searching a damn zoo actively seeking out the most deadly animals in the place. The monkeys? Nope, too friendly. Sorry tall birds, no time for you. Please Mr. Giraffe, you couldn't possibly kill me so I have no time for you. Mr. Snake? Sure, you can kill me, but you aren't on my list...can't help you.

Not to mention this was a contest. Apparently, Sam Elliott hit some random guy with his car a few days ago, but isn't copping to it. In fact, he claimed innocence. Regardless, there was a lot of talk about that to deal with. And we had to deal with Dr. Abortion running around, which actually started before we got into the zoo. Typical, I know.

One more thing. I finally learned what a taipan was. Apparently, Mister Snake can help me after all. What a freakin' day this was...



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Sam Elliott, Doc A and Diggzy Brown were all transported to the zoo together early Saturday morning and placed in a room out of the public eye where we could grab some breakfast and prepare for the day's safari...on land....whatever. A short talk with some of the zoo administrators provided us with maps and how we should handle the deadly animals so as not to, you know, die. The second they left, the three competitors were left alone with 30 minutes to kill before the official start of the contest.

"I'll be damned if I don't get that rhinoceros first," said Dr. Abortion out loud to no one in particular. Diggzy paid him no mind and reached for an energy bar while Sam Elliott sidled over beside him.

"What's his deal anyway," asked Sam of the SUPERSTAR, assuming they knew each other.

"How the hell should I know," responded Brown in his usual friendly manner. "What, you think we all look alike and hang out together or something?

Elliott was stunned by Diggzy's accusation. Of course, the SUPERSTAR meant nothing by it, he just wasn't interested in making friends. What he was interested in, however, was watching Dr. Abortion. Diggzy poked Elliott in the side and pointed to what was now Doc A's back.

"Gonna have to keep an eye on him all day," remarked Diggzy. "If for no other reason than to make sure you don't turn around and find him standing behind you with one of those poisonous snakes aimed at your crotch..."

Diggzy was trying to scare Elliott a little, as he knew Sam knew very little about either one of his opponents other than their reputations. He wasn't sure if it would work, but if anything, it would give Sam something to think about throughout the day. Any edge is a good one if it works, and if it didn't, no one gives a flying [BLEEP] anyway. The two were interrupted by a knock at the door, as some low level Wrassle lackey arrived to let them know it was time to get started.

"Davros is waiting at the front gate of the zoo," said the lackey, as Diggzy and Sam Elliott each grabbed a bottle of water and headed for the door. "Umm...where's Doc?"

"Do I look like I work here," asked Brown, making no effort to hide the sarcasm. "Elliott here is in charge of watching Doc today...ask him."

Sam says nothing but points in the direction of the hallway where they saw Doc A. walk down just a few moments earlier. The lackey looks concerned - Davros has a reputation for being rather unkind when he is disappointed, and he knows that if he somehow managed to lose one of the three competitors, Davros was going to be beyond disappointed.

The lackey gets on the radio and calls for some help, asking for those on the air to keep things quiet. A security team from the zoo itself arrives and are told that Dr. Abortion has disappeared. They set off down the hall as the now frightened lackey leads Diggzy and Elliott out front, to where Davros is waiting to announce the start of this event.

"Ladies and gentlemen...the Steve Irwin Memorial Deadly Animal Hunt is about to begin!" announced Davros, as Diggzy and Sam Elliott emerge from the back room to thunderous applause. "Please welcome our competitors...from the Blood Brothers...Diggzy Brown! From the Mental Military...Sam Elliott! And from the AoD..."

Davros pauses as he realizes that Dr. Abortion is nowhere to be found. The poor young intern starts to jabber away an explanation, but Davros silences with a simple but deadly stare, making his displeasure quite clear.

"Apparently, Dr. Abortion has gotten a head start on his competition...and thus...OPEN THE GATES!"

The gates to the San Diego Zoo slowly open as the crowd roars in appreciation. A fan tosses out one of those ridiculous looking safari hats, which Diggzy immediately grabs and slaps down on the head of Sam Elliott. Before he can complain, Diggzy takes off in a different direction as the search gets underway.

BLOG ENTRY #4



SUPERSTAR BLOG ENTRY

The Ballad of Sam "The Crocodile Hunter" Elliott
I mean, Doc A. hasn't changed a bit from when I last remember him. Okay, maybe he has changed a little bit physically, but it's still the same antics and shenanigans underneath,. Anyway, before I get to him, you wouldn't believe the day that poor Sam Elliott had. I'm sure he is a good guy and all, but if I had to go through what he went through today, I'd probably kill myself. Actually, if it were me, I'd probably be dead, just like Steve Irwin, whom Elliott decided to pretend to be...



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Sam Elliott watched as Diggzy Brown took off, leaving him alone to begin his quest to find the deadly animals. He decided to leave the safari hat on in an effort to try and curry favor with the fans in a lame attempt at showing support to the family of the late Steve Irwin. In fact, if you looked at him from far enough away, you might think that Sam Elliott WAS Steve Irwin. Reincarnate of course.

"Alright, let's get this underway," muttered Elliott to himself. "Leopard or crocodile...which one seems safer. Well, hell, I am the Crocodile Hunter today, so we'll go that route first. Good day mate...*COUGH*...G'day mate! Yeah, that oughta do it..."

Getting the accent down was easy. And with his brown safari hat and brown shorts and shirt, getting the look was easier. Aside from his moustache of course, but who are we to quibble over details. ANYWAY, Sam "The Crocodile Hunter" Elliott took off straight away for the crocodiles. As he approached, he saw that the crocs were a little restless, and some of the San Diego Zoo staffers were having a difficult time getting one of them under control.



"Perhaps I can be of some assistance mates?" said Elliott, as the staffers looked up at him in shock. "Allow me, Sam Elliott...Crocodile Hunter...to take care of this dirty animal!"

It was almost as though Elliott were channeling the spirit of Steve Irwin directly, as he dove into the mud without a second's hesitation, tackling the beast. Round and round they spun, with Elliott hanging on for dear life to the creature's jaws to make sure they stay shut. The croc starts to take control, somehow managing to gain some traction and maintain its footing. It starts to swing its head back and forth, as if to shake the intruder off of its body.

Sam "The Crocodile Hunter" Elliott manages to hang on, and knows that he needs to do something to secure his own leverage. Grabbing at the ropes that the staffers were using to try and subdue the animal, Elliott grabs hold and stands up as the croc seemingly tires and stops its thrashing about.

"AAAAAAHAAAAA! The great beast has been tamed," shouts Elliott to the rather large group of people that have now gathered to view all of this excitement. "And now that I have shut him down, I will go into great detail on the history of this great animal. A crocodile is any species belonging to the family Crocodylidae. Crocodiles, or crocs, are large aquatic reptiles that...WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAASOMEBODYSTOPTHISTHING!!!!!!"

As Elliott began his lecture on the history of the crocodile, the animal itself decided enough was enough, and started moving at an alarmingly fast rate of speed. Rather than let go of the ropes, Elliott unspeakably decided to climb onto the animal as though it were a surfboard, and cameras started snapping as he went for a little ride across the makeshift pond that the croc calls home.

Suddenly and without warning, the croc stops, sending Elliott flying and landing face first in the water, which is just deep enough to cover his body as it lays horizontal. The onlookers gasp, fearing that the croc will now find itself with a rather large looking meal in the form of Sam Elliott, but the animal comes tearing out of the water, scurrying back into a cage located back on the muddy shore.

"SOMEBODY GET THIS THING OFFA MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!"

The sound of a screaming Sam Elliott is heard as he emerges from under the water. He is clutching something to his chest...actually, he seems to be trying to rip it off of his chest...as he runs out of the water and through the crowd. One of the zoo staffers recognizes the animal that Elliott has a hold of, and starts screaming in all directions for some help.

"He's got a sting ray on his chest...that thing could kill him! Don't let him out of your sight!"

And the chase is on, as a collection of staff and security chase after Sam Elliott, who is now running for his life, trying to avoid a true to life mimic of the death of Steve Irwin. Unfortunately for Elliott, his day at Stable Wars is over...

BLOG ENTRY #5


SUPERSTAR BLOG ENTRY

Dr. Abortion nearly destroys the San Diego Zoo
Fortunately for Sam Elliott, he was able to survive the sting ray. After running for what seemed like forever, he collapsed to the ground in exhaustion, seemingly ready to give up his life, when a security guard nailed the sting ray with a tazer. Yes, he stopped a tiny fish out of water with a tazer. Don't judge me. In fact, he got Elliott as well, who had to spend the remainder of the day at the Zoo's infirmary.

And so, we are down to two competitors, and two stories left to tell. When last we left Dr. Abortion, he had snuck out on his own before the official start to the event. And much similar to the story of Sam Elliott, there was a brush with death. Many brushes, in fact,. And not all of them belonging to Doc A. Allow me, if you will, to share with you the story of Dr. Abortion's day at the zoo...



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Recent animosities amongst members of the AoD faction have left Dr. Abortion thinking more selfishly than usual of late. He only has one friend in Juan Shaun, and certainly had no interest in participating in something with the likes of either Sam Elliott or Diggzy Brown. Winning was winning, and he was going to make sure he took the proper steps to ensure that the winner would be he, so when the other two lameasses were distracted, Doc A. snuck off down a hallway and began to look for a way out.

"Hhhmmm...I don't think I can stab my way through these brick walls," thought Doc A. to himself. "I know what to do..."


BANG!!!
Doc whips out a gun and shoots at the wall without realizing that the bullet was going to do nothing more than ricochet around the room until it found a place to settle, which it finally did.

"Okay, that sucked. Mental note...no shooting inside for the rest of the day. Now, how am I going to get the hell out of here...?"

The shovel on the ground might well do the trick. Kinda like a prison movie where the prisoner uses a spoon to tunnel his way through the wall, then walks through pipes and dirty water and all sorts of other stuff until he falls into a dirty river a free man. Except Doc didn't have 20 years...he had 8 hours. Spoon...no good. Shovel...it's going to have to do. So he starts digging...

"HANDS UP DOC!" shouted one of the rent-a-cops that worked for the Zoo as they located Doc in the back room. "We don't know what you are trying to pull here, but Davros was adamant that there would be no cheating...especially for you! Let's go!"

"Alright alright, you guys got me," sighs Doc A. as he slouches his way toward them. "Say, you guys don't happen top carry hand grenades or anything like that...do ya?"

"Please Doc, every security guard always carries some sort of hand grenade for situations exactly like this. What do you think...OOOOOOFFFF!!!"

Abortocutters all around, as Doc whips into motion, taking out all of the security guards. Screw Davros and his stupid rules, he thinks to himself. A quick search reveals only one grenade to be found, but one is going to be enough. Doc grabs the shovel, digs a quick hole that goes down about four feet at the base of the wall, pulls, and drops the grenade down inside. Bingo bango bongo, we have a hole to escape through.

"Sweet," says Doc, laughing as he crawls through the hall and scampers out across the zoo property. "Now, to find me that damn rhinoceros..."

Doc bangs a quick right after leaving the entrance building and heads up a pathway that takes him past the chimpanzee cage, through Sun Bear Forest, finally reaching the rhino pit area.

"Jackpot," said Doc A. with glee, or some reasonable facsimile, as Doc hjas never said ANYTHING with glee. "Now, how do I get one of these damn things out of here without getting arrested..."

It's fairly obvious at this point that Dr. Abortion came here with a predetermined mission, one that probably doesn't bode well for Holy Evil and the rest of the fake Nu AoD back in the UCE. What it also doesn't bode well is for him winning this competition for Stable Wars, but since the AoD appears to be in shambles anyway, it's highly doubtable that he cares in the least about that right now.

"Maybe if I just sneak up on it," thinks Dr. A. as he approaches the lone rhino grazing in the pit. With a quick look back at a nearby camera, Doc says "be vewwy vewwy qwiet...I'm huntin' whino" (insert Elmer Fudd laugh track here).

The best attack is a sneak attack, as I always say, so Doc climbs up onto the nearby brick wall and stands, watching the rhino and waiting for the perfect opportunity to do something really REALLY stupid. And as usual, opportunities like that rarely take long to present themselves, and Doc leaps into the air, landing with a thud onto the now stunned rhino's back.

"Oh man...a saddle would have helped that landing,"

So would a rope, as without warning, the rhino starts bucking and kicking, trying to get this unwanted nuisance off of its back. Doc wraps both his arms around the thing's neck and hangs on for dear life. Ever daring, he uses one arm to try and reach for his knife, figuring if he can't ride this thing outta here, he might as well have something to eat. This, unfortunately for him, turns into another really bad idea.

"That's right...c'mere you feeeeeelthy rhinososerous...thaaaaaaat's right...let ole Doc STAB YOUR ASS!!!!"

HUGE mistake. First off, Doc barely does more than sharply prick the animal with his knife. Instead of hurting it, the rhino instead makes a beeline for the fence. Running at top speed, Doc drops his knife and wraps his arms back around the rhino's neck as it crashes through the fence.

"EVERYBODY GET OUTTA MY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!"

The Zoo has long since been opened, with both Diggzy Brown and Sam Elliott off searching for the various animals required of them by Davros for the event. The sound of Doc A. screaming is all they hear as the rhino charges through the pathway, scattering everyone in sight. Doc A. manages a slow motion type pause as he whips past a stunned Davros to wave at him. The rhino isn't stopping either, as it blasts its way through the front gate and tears off down the street. Looks like Doc got his rhino after all. Now it's just a matter of whether or not he can survive the trip.

Sadly, for you AoD fans, his day has also come to an unsuccessful end.

BLOG ENTRY #6


SUPERSTAR BLOG ENTRY

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner...
So, suffice it to say, I am feeling pretty good about myself as I type this final blog update. Diggzy Brown - the SUPERSTAR - 260 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal - is the winner of the opening event of Stable Wars. Not that I give a [BLEEP] for the Blood Brothers, but Acid Ed and I are going to take this Stable Wars crap by storm in order to make the Blood Brothers look bad.

I mean, it's really obvious that the likes of Lars, Vigilante, Alisterfiend and Omega are not coming remotely close to winning on their own. So they tricked us into joining their group, making them a lock to be one of the top performing stables in this thing, At first, Ed and I laughed at the prospect of simply bagging on them, letting them flop in the win and embarrass themselves in front of the entire industry. And then, we decided, if the Blood Brothers DO win - Acid Ed and Diggzy Brown will get ALL of the credit. Funny how [BLEEP] works, ain't it boys? You thought you were duping us, when it is Ed and Diggzy that are going to come out of this thing like the champions that they are. Blood in...blood out...blood my ass. This is the SUPER RAT STAR BASTARD show, and don't you boys forget it.

Oh yeah, I forgot. You want details of how I actually won this thing. Enjoy your dinner Davros, you sick, twisted [BLEEP].



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Diggzy Brown ditched Sam Elliott at the first possible opportunity, and Dr. Abortion off doing God knows what, the SUPERSTAR was relieved all dead weight. The Blood Brothers had better appreciate this ridiculousness, because you can be sure that the SUPERSTAR has very little taste for the San Diego Zoo. Or the deadly animals he is supposed to somehow capture. Or Davros. Or vegetables for that matter.

Diggzy hits the Reptile House first, excited as he learned only that morning what a taipan is. Okay, he really doesn't give a rat's ass, but it would look really stupid if he brought some sort of garden snake to Davros instead and got disqualified. Anyway, the snake figures to be the easy get in this thing, and just to be safe, Diggzy removes a box from one of the bags he has slung over his shoulder.

"Okay little white mousey, time to go be someone's dinner..."

Diggzy removes a small, white mouse from the box and drops it into the cage of the taipan. Apparently, this thing likes to eat, because it takes very little time whatsoever for the mouse to end up swallowed whole. Diggzy stares for a moment, as the mouse takes shape within the body of the snake. It's somewhat amazing when you see it for the first time. But, the whole point of feeding the snake was to occupy it for long enough for the SUPERSTAR to snatch it up.

"One down, four to go," said Diggzy, as he secures the taipan inside of one of his equipment bags. "Where to next...lets stick with the small stuff and get that sting ray."

The sting ray, of course, is at the height of its popularity right now. Thanks to the one that stood up to that dirty Australian, the sting ray is not to be messed with anymore. Whatever, we'll leave that up to Davros. Our job is only to catch and deliver, so it's off to the aquarium area we go.

Unfortunately, there wasn't a whole lot of excitement that went into catching the sting ray. All you had was a six foot five, 260 pound black man putting on scuba gear and diving into a tank full of all kinds of exotic fish held at the Zoo. While he may be ignorant to animals, Diggzy DOES read the newspaper so he knew that this particular animal was what killed that Crocodile Hunter guy, and thus was the reason why he was now here. Swimming in an aquarium. Looking ridiculous. Trying to catch a poisonous fish. Or whatever the hell a sting ray is.

But, there was surprisingly little trouble. Apparently, abnormally large black men don't have the slightest effect on fish. A quick scoop into a net and out of the tank we came. Laughing to himself about how easy this was, Diggzy actually started to wonder about the progress of Sam Elliott and Dr. Abortion. If the SUPERSTAR was off to such a trouble-free start, there was some concern that one of the other two might even be finished already.

Off comes the scuba gear and into a second knapsack goes the fish. Hey, Davros didn't say the thing had to be alive when he got it. Now dry and very self-fulfilled at his success thus far, Diggzy stares at a map inside the aquarium and plots his next course of action. Crocodile is going to be next, and off we go.

As he steps out of the aquarium, he notices that the Zoo is strangely abuzz with all sorts of noise from the patrons. Deeply ensconced in his own doings, determined to win this stupid event, Diggzy has missed a lot of activity caused by his two opponents. He sees animals running about the Zoo in a frenzy - somehow, it appears as though all of the animals at the Zoo are on the loose and running free.

"What the [BLEEP] is goin' on 'round here?" asked Diggzy of the first person he could get a hold of.

"Sam Elliott, he nearly died today!" shrieked the staffer, who had a leash in his hand that was attached to the neck of a crocodile he was walking like it was a dog. "He was trying to mess with the crocs and almost got himself killed by a sting ray in the process!"

"Wow, that's just like..."

*staffer interrupts* "No, it's EXACTLY like what happened to Steve Irwin! Elliott thought he was Steve Irwin and is now wishing he wasn't!"

"So...all kinds of animals got free?" Diggzy asked. "How does that work if the only things Elliott came in contact with were the croc and a sting ray?"

"You can thank your buddy Dr. Abortion for that one," responded the staffer. "In his quest to steal a rhinoceros from the Zoo, he managed to unblock nearly every cage in the place and nearly got himself killed in the process!"

"Animals are scattered everywhere! Be careful!"

"Hey man, do a brotha a favor and bring that croc to the front for me, aiiiight?"

From out of nowhere, a spotted leopard comes flying down the path, freezing the SUPERSTAR dead in his tracks. He has zero idea of what to do, and is frozen in place. Fortunately, the leopard takes the decision making out of his hands by making a beeline straight for him. Without thinking (obviously), Diggzy sidesteps the charging animal at the last second and leaps, somehow landing on the thing without crushing it, Harold and Kumar style. The ride doesn't last long though (let's try to be somewhat realistic), and the animal tires, allowing Diggzy to return to his own two feet and keep it under control with a leash that the animal was dragging along behind it. The staffer followed along behind, running with the croc to make sure that no harm actually came to Diggzy Brown.

Arriving back at the main entrance, Diggzy sees Davros giving interviews to various media outlets, as well as police officers and rescue workers. The front gate has been obliterated, thanks to Doc A.'s hell ride on the rhino. Davros sees Diggzy and immediately walks out on his interview session to approach the one competitor who actually showed up.

"Don't think for a second that any of this gets you off the hook," stated Davros, looking Brown squarely in the eye. "Despite all of these other issues, you are still required to complete the tasks assigned to be declared the winner!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, save it you freak," responded Brown, handing over the leash with the leopard attached to the end of it. "Here's your leopard, I hope you like it. Oh, and here, in these bags are your snake and your sting ray. Make sure to cook the sting ray on both sides before you eat it you sick [BLEEP]er. My pal Jimmy here has your croc..."

"My name is Antonio..."

"Sorry, no time for introductions," said Diggzy, interrupting the staffer. "So, I'll take my trophy now."

"I don't see a rhinoceros with you anywhere," countered Davros.

"You know what you can do with your rhino Davros," responded Diggzy, stopping himself before the punch line. "Look, this freakin place only had one rhino, and good ole Doc apparently blasted off with it. Like it or not, you're going to have to cut me some slack on this one. I can't catch what ain't no longer here."



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SUPERSTAR BLOG ENTRY

The brief and final spin
And that, as they say boys and girls, is that. One hell of a day at the San Diego Zoo. Poor Sam Elliott had to spend the night in the local hospital for observation, but he turned out just fine. The sting ray never got him, and the effects of the tazer wore off before nightfall.

As for Dr. Abortion, well, no one is really sure what happened to him and his new pet rhino. Last I heard, Doc was spotted riding the thing like a horse down some dirt road way outside the city.

As for the SUPERSTAR, well, winners don't need to brag. He collected every animal he could, and Davros eventually did have to give him a pass on the rhino. And so, mark one event down in favor of the Blood Brothers (led by Diggzy Brown and Acid Ed).

Oh yeah, Davros...sick mother[BLEEP]er ate every last bite...the damn leopard too. Can you believe that???

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Stan Daniels

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